Running from Fear

I know that I do not constantly or actively post something or anything in my blog. Even though I gave reasons of being too busy at school midterms or finals, school activities and, reports and presentations, or household chores, there was this simple reason of why I haven't done anything much: 

I was scared. 

I was scared of drawing again because I was fully aware of the young(er) talented artist surrounding me. I was fascinated by their art styles, observing their ways, wishing that if I could be as half as good as them and regretted of not taking the opportunity I had when I was younger. It later made me become more insecure of my abilities to draw.  (<-- Reason why i don't have DeviantArt and not claiming myself as an artisit) 

I was scared of pursuing my dreams knowing that I have to work on a company or an orthodox office soon after graduating to a course that is far different from my passion, reality wise. 

I was also scared to tell people of what I wanted to become, not taking it seriously or telling me to stop chasing my childish dreams and get a real goal or job that would earn me a profit. 

It was a bit of an internal struggle for me because I wanted to draw something, I wanted to take pictures, I loved doing these things but I was clouded by these thoughts and thought that it was impossible and I had to give up. 

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As time passed by, I was reading several testimonies from several artists of DeviantArt. They shared their experiences with their struggles and how they were able to pursue their dream despite the concerns of their family for not having a "proper" job. Some also shared their insecurities of their art which they were comparing it to other people. But these people didn't gave up and continue to do what they love to do.

This made me realised that I cannot be happy or satisfied with my work if I compare my art with other people. I know that it's "basic" common sense but it wasn't easy for me to understood why until now. Each and everyone has their own unique style of expressing their art. They, too, started from the bottom and was able to reach the level to where they are now and they're still growing! It may take years but constant practice will soon pay off. It wouldn't be possible unless I try. 

And even though I would soon be working in the Business Communications field of work, it doesn't hinder me from doing the things I love to do. I can still draw, I can still take pictures. God gave me these gifts and I shouldn't put them to waste. 

I do not want to run from this fear anymore....

A time to mourn

Yesterday, 13 October 2016, King Bhumibol of Thailand has passed away. His majesty reigned the Kingdom for 70 years and marked as the longest King to reign a country. His monarch was also the richest in the world and have brought prosperity to his country from the brink of poverty and the civil war. He made more than a 1000 of projects that would bring benefit for his people and for his country and is always hands-on to the needs of the Thai people. 

"If you were to say about my title, I am a king. But what I do here is not a king, it is something different. I do things that I think is useful, that's all."

He was, without a doubt, well loved by his people. He wasn't a god or just a king, but a father to his people. I have never seen such kind, humble and generous king but here in Thailand. I have witnessed how much the Thai people loved and respected their king in whichever activity or contest, and wherever they go in the world. He have contributed a lot for his people, especially during the time in the 2011 flood, I was deeply touched by his efforts to ensure his people are safe.

"How can I lay in bed when my people have nowhere to sleep?"

He may not be my king nor it isn't from my country but it was truly heartbreaking and sad to see a king like him to pass away so suddenly. They have lost someone so precious to them but they, the Thai people, are so blessed to have a king like him.  I would like to express my deepest and most sincere condolence for the Thai people. We grieve with you and shall pray for your recovery.

Rest in peace, King Bhumibol Adulyadej. You will be missed.

The current situation is requesting a 1 year mourning for the king, everyone has to wear black. Foreigners are requested to respect the 1 year mourning as well and the security is also noted that they need to bring their ID papers and/or passport or a copy of it. There are also no loud music, party or any activities held for one month starting today.